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SoulSister30

from That Dial (EP) by Stephen Wulff

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lyrics

VERSE:
I met you on ChristianMingle dot com
In the summer of 2009
We worshipped in the chatroom
That first night reading psalms

Two weeks later, we had cybersex
The best I’ve ever had
You called me your “dirty disciple”
And it made my cheeks turn red

What would Jesus do?
If He were in my shoes
I wish I hadn’t sent you all those pictures
of me completely nude

CHORUS:
SoulSister30
Your online screen name
Really turns me on

SoulSister30
Your profile pic
looks like Sarah Vaughan

SoulSister30
I would’ve taken you
To my senior prom

SoulSister30
Knows the entire
Gospel according to John

VERSE
I tried to ask you on a real date
But you said that you’re gun-shy
Your ex-boyfriend was possessed by demons
The exorcism went awry

You finally agreed to meet up with me
At a coffee shop near downtown
After introducing yourself to me
I nearly fainted, had a nervous breakdown

BRIDGE:
I thought you were thin
I thought you were supermodel thin
Your outdated picture
Is a cardinal—online dating—sin

Can we just be friends?
Can we just be church-going friends?
I’m praying for you now
I hope this new diet plan works out

CHORUS:
SoulSister30
Foaming at the mouth
And speaking in tongues

SoulSister30
Don’t threaten me
With Matthew 7:13

SoulSister30
Levitating and waiting
For the Rapture

SoulSister30
Vanished from the site
Like a fart in the wind

credits

from That Dial (EP), released August 13, 2015

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about

Stephen Wulff Chicago, Illinois

With a background in creative writing and comedy training from The Second City, I am a singer/songwriter from Chicago who writes concept-driven pop-rock songs with quirky lyrics, blending sincerity and absurdist humor with tongue and cheek irreverence.

INFLUENCES: Magnetic Fields, Jens Lekman, Pavement, Wilco, The Smiths, The Cure, Flaming Lips, Smoking Popes, Big Star, XTC, Motown, 60s rock.
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